Although I personally love Attachment Theory, I believe that we are all capable of becoming Anxiously Attached after going through a one or several heartbreaks.
Relationship trauma accumulates in our bodies, an energetic wall begins to be built around our heart and we become insecure, nervous and afraid of rejection. We begin to lose trust in ourselves and our partners, and we begin to sabotage a potentially great relationship. Our nervous system becomes fragile and closed down. It’s almost like having PTSD. This is NORMAL.
On top of that, I believe that although we are inherently capable of being in a healthy relationship, it requires a consciousness shift and is a skill that has to be learned and honed over time, like an art or science. Unfortunately, love and relationships are not taught in our schools (nor at home for many!). You have to un-learn unhealthy habits and learn new life-affirming ways of relating.
The truth is that you have to build a solid inner foundation within yourself – a spiritual, mental, physical and emotional one. This process involves you beginning to love yourself, understanding yourself better, and feeling emotionally secure within yourself. You release your past hurts and wounds, and begin to feel emotionally and energetically free inside. Your nervous system gets healed and upgraded, and ready for more. (Doesn’t this sound great?)
When you’re coming from this place, healthy relationships and true love are inevitable! You can ride the waves of ups and downs of your relationship when you’re anchored, and your partner will feel safe and trusting in your arms.
On the flip side, if you’re still anxiously attached, you could trigger your partner to become defensive or insecure himself, which could lead him to pulling away.
It is POSSIBLE to move to secure attachment, and also attract and keep a high quality partner who is moving towards secure attachment.
You can create the nourishing conditions for secure attachment in your relationship. That way when one of you is flailing, the other one is the rock. That’s the beauty of love!
Sister, I am standing for this possibility of healthy, lasting love for you.
>> In case you’re looking for more inspiration, check out my blog post, “How I healed my relationship story“.
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