The other day, I got a call from a client. “Sarika Aunty, he’s been giving me the cold shoulder over the past two days, what do I do??” Have you been in that situation?
Let’s face it. When a man shuts down or withdraws, it freaks us out. You begin to wonder, “Did I say or do something wrong?” It brings up old wounds and deep, irrational fears of being unworthy of love.
Yet, the reason why men shut down is not BECAUSE of you.
Let me be clear. A man WANTS to serve you and your relationship, and give you pleasure (as I share in my new FREE ebook, “5 Mistakes Women Make in Love
“, which I’m happy to share has already turned around many women’s lives).
However there’s a conflicting emotional pattern going on within him – that of having a lifetime’s worth of deep, unresolved shame and guilt. And when you potentially do or say something critical or remind him of something he’s doing wrong, his wound gets triggered. He then withdraws or simply disassociates from the situation. I’ve seen this happen over and over, no matter how old a man is.
You see, for millennia, men have been taught to suppress their emotions, and on the flip side, they’re applauded for their performance. They face a lot of pressure from their parents and societies to be in service, without feeling anything or, sadly, not having their own free will. They also feel unsafe feeling ‘not enough’. (There’s a documentary on Netflix that I encourage you to watch called “The Mask You Live in” if you want to understand what boys go through while growing up).
The other day, I saw a nine year old boy trip and scrape his knee. He started crying really loudly. His mom was there, immediately caring for his knee, but she kept saying, “That’s enough of crying. You’re a strong boy right?” She thought that she was caring for him, and instead she was more concerned about making a scene. I felt sad for the boy, and I told her, “Crying is important for him to go through, it will help him release his shock and pain.” It was hard for her to shift her behavior, because she herself has unconscious people-pleasing tendencies.
So the question is, how do you turn this dynamic around so that a man feels unequivocally safe with you, and doesn’t shut down or disappear?
The way I see it is that you have to cultivate the conditions for healthy love.
As the woman, you need to become the Emotional Leader of your relationship, and create an environment where you both feel safe, understood and seen. A judgement-free zone where a man can be his kooky, imperfect self, while you’re able to (mindfully) bare your crazy side too. Through your words and actions, you become a healing feminine force in his life, awakening his grounded, masculine side.
Unfortunately we do the opposite. Through our words or emasculation, we push on his wounded side and make him recoil in shame. He then goes into his coping mechanism – work, the gym, being by himself. He becomes depressed and feels that the situation is hopeless.
As I’ve discovered, you can turn this dynamic around quickly.
You can become a high value woman whom a man deeply adores and wants to show up for. A man who has the courage to face his wounds head on, and through your love and support, begins to heal them.
In this book, you’ll learn that you deserve a fulfilling love life. You deserve to be in a relationship in which you feel safe, loved & deeply supported.
Do you want to become the expert of your love life? Do you want a man who will move mountains to be with you?
With love & light,
What types of men are you attracting? Take the free Love Magnet Quiz and get your personalized Love Assessment.
Is it time you partnered with a Love & Relationship expert to take control of your life? Apply for a discovery session with Sarika Jain to discover how you can:
- Practice Self Love
- Clear your inner blocks and increase your vibration & magnetism
- Date and attract your soulmate in a healthy, joyful way