In my last blogpost I shared about spiritual blocks – what they are, how do they show up in our lives and sabotage our chances for love.
The good thing is that there is plenty of energy and support for you to clear these blocks. All you have to do is to bring attention, awareness and intention to these areas – a desire to heal your past wounds so you can be open to healthy love.
So what are some of these love blocks, and what are some steps that you can take?
After working with thousands of women over the last ten years, I’ve seen some common patterns. Some of these hidden blocks or challenges specifically for Smart, Successful Women can include:
1. Lack of Self Love – So many women struggle with negative self talk and lack of self care. In some cultures (like Indian), we’re taught to be selfless and take care of others before yourself.
Self love offers an invaluable lesson – you need to have a great relationship with yourself before you can have one with someone else! When your life feels balanced, grounded and purposeful, and you have a strong sense of self-love and self-care, you will radiate with confidence and self-worth, which any man will find seductive! Moreover, the moment you let go of your inner critic, you will feel peace of mind, and others will feel less judged by you. You become a Love Magnet.
If you are feeling sad, uninspired, stuck or busy, this is an opportunity for you to focus on healing, loving yourself, releasing baggage – and beginning a brand new, open-hearted, inspired life!
2. Painful Family Blueprint – According to Gary Hendrix’ Imago Theory, we seek out partners that subconsciously fulfil a need that we never could fill from our parents – but the irony is that we choose a person who is like a combination of our parents! Many of us subconsciously play out our parents’ relationship or the lack of love that we received. Remember: up until the 60s or 70s, many couples married out of societal norms/financial security/having a family (and for women – getting out of the house!). Choices for partners were very limited. Also, there were no models for a healthy relationship for our parents.It’s vital to learn what patterns you may have picked up, and clear the wounds in a healthy, supported way.
If your parents had a tumultuous relationship, more than likely it has created a block in your own love life. Patterns such as being anxious, avoidant or insecure in relationships emerge. You may have subconscious fears, pain, trust issues with men or doubt about partnership.
This is your opportunity to release self-defeating patterns and learn new models & skills to make relationships work.
3. Shame about your sexuality and femininity – As a modern woman, you may view sex or your gender in an unhealthy way, embody an underlying sense of unworthiness and shame about your body – or low self-esteem. Studies have shown that nearly 85% of girls grow up with low self-worth. According to feminine spiritual teachers, this sense of unworthiness and ‘lower status’ of women has been going on for over 2000 years. As adults, we have an opportunity to clear this generational suffering and embrace our femininity and sexuality powerfully!
Confidence in your body and self-worth is important. When you don’t fully love and accept yourself/your body, you will attract someone who doesn’t either. You may also subconsciously seek approval from men, which leads to self- defeating patterns, or men losing interest or pulling away. This is an opportunity for you to become more embodied, explore your sexuality and desires, release sexual shame and practice deep Self Love.
When we are connected with our bodies and we feel sexy, confident and free – no doubt we fare better in dating!
4. Anger or sadness with past relationships – When you still have inner conflict or pain from a past relationship, then there is a chance that you have something unresolved. The pain lingers in the heart as a ‘heart wall’ or block. You may need to heal, cut cords and release your ex so that you can make space for ‘the one’ and not repeat the patterns. Moreover, you can use your past relationship to learn how to truly love yourself, and learn fresh relationship and communication skills to make the next relationship work.
It’s important to release your baggage and ‘Close Your ‘Ex Files’, return to a joyful heart, so you can have faith and be open to True Love!
5. Unhealthy relationship with the masculine – Your relationship with men in all areas of your life is important to understand in terms of your comfort, security and communication with men – and your own acceptance and balance with your inner masculine. Being your fun, playful, powerful, authentic, fully-expressed self with men is your birthright – and makes you irresistible!
Also, when you’re defensive, goal-oriented and aggressive (which many of our jobs require us to be), you lose touch with your creative, sexy, nurturing, wild, feminine side. This makes you edgy or guarded around men – even competitive.
Our toxic masculine culture has made it challenging for women to be themselves.
You may be stopped by self-doubt and inability to communicate authentically and powerfully. You may be afraid of expressing your feminine side, or feelings/needs (and creating a space for men to do so) – and may even attract emotionally unavailable men. You may also have trust issues. If men are aggressive with you, there is an indication that there is some healing to do with men in your life – and your inner masculine. In this energy, you will attract toxic/emotionally unavailable men.
Finally, it’s important to understand men – their psychology, what motivates them towards love and commitment.
Self Love is the first place to start – knowing and feeling your worthiness, being self-connected, setting healthy boundaries, communication skills, learning to express your feelings and needs to men in a powerful yet compassionate way.
6. Having an unhealthy healthy dating & relationship mindset: The more positive our thoughts and happy and self-connected we are, and the wiser we are about relationships, the better are the chances for attracting Mr. Right. Moreover, many women need to rewire themselves for a healthy relationship (far too often, we’re attracted to the bad boy / Mr. Unavailable!). Many women view dating as a difficult chore, rather than a self-awareness journey, in which we get to actually attract and ‘create’ our dream relationship!
Perhaps the biggest block most women have is our thinking – self-judgment, self-criticism, and not having faith. Moreover, when we’re confused about what we want (or just follow what we’re expected to), not living in alignment with our values, we end up attracting mediocre relationships and settling for less.
Like anything else that’s worth it, dating requires skill, faith, courage and vulnerability.
Check to see whether your attitude about dating is healthy – are you generally pessimistic or optimistic? Are you able to be your fun, flirty self? Do you find yourself being judgmental, mistrustful or overanalyzing everything? Are you able to stay committed to your purpose of being a loving person, without being attached to the outcome? Have you cleared your other blocks? Being a good date, being in the present moment and learning to have a positive attitude are important.
Remember, it’s ok to take a break from dating, as long as you are being proactive – clearing your blocks, being a better/more loving person, learning relationship skills, healing, practicing Self Love! If you focus on these things, you WILL attract a relationship naturally, online or in person.
7. Being a ‘giver’, ‘caretaker’ or fixer – Most of us have been taught to be ‘givers’ and ‘fixers’ in relationships. Rarely do women know how to do the opposite – sit back and receive love with grace, trust and joy! We need to balance out healthy giving and receiving in relationships – this helps our hearts stay open and for energy to flow.
Interestingly, a really healthy relationship feels natural – almost easy! The hardest ‘work’ we have to do is on ourselves – learning to be happy and content, feeling our self-worth, and releasing our sabotage patterns and limiting beliefs – basically getting out of our own way!
Just know in your heart that men want exactly what you want – a healthy and loving partnership – AND men can’t live without women!
Reading books, working with a coach, therapist or joining a program on dating/relationships will support you in taking healthy action in your love life.
Clearing your inner blocks, and aligning your life with your dream relationship doesn’t have to take years! In fact, in my coaching and online course “Sacred Soulmate System”, we go through each of these blocks in a systematic way. You can turn around your love life, and create the conditions to