I’ve been busy these two weeks, taking care of my daughter, who contracted Hand Foot and Mouth Disease, passing it on to my husband. They both had high fevers (almost 105 degrees), and I was running around finding medicine, making food they would both eat, putting cold towels on my husband’s head, assisting him get out of bed and running Lila to the ER. I was stretched to my very limits, emotionally, physically. Lila was crying almost every hour, she needed so much consoling because of the pain.
There were times that I was so worn out that I simply wanted to lie down and cry.
Thankfully they are doing SO much better now!
But it humbled me about what love, marriage and family life is about.
Sometimes, I would notice emotions of guilt, overwhelm and resentment arise. “Why isn’t anyone appreciating what I’m doing? Thank God I’m healthy, otherwise what would happen to these two! Would my husband serve me with such selflessness, if I were this sick?” These were my dark human thoughts rebelling against my current situation.
But in many other moments, I felt a sense of pride, gratitude and even liberation. All I have to do is show up as my most loving self! And serve the ones I love!
Interestingly, as I was busy with the mundane work of housekeeping and cuddling with my little one in a blanket, I started to notice a shedding of my ego, a radical acceptance of the moment, and even joy. I noticed my creative urges rising, and in my free time, I started painting and writing. I enjoyed my small moments of ‘me time’ even more, like meditating, going to the gym or a yoga class. And I got to share many sweet moments with Krishan, because he didn’t have to go into the office.
So many times, I ask women what they want in a relationship. They say, “He’s my best friend and greatest supporter. We travel a lot. He is smart, capable and strong. We laugh, make food together, go for yoga.” And the list goes on.
But what most people don’t realize (and I didn’t, before I got married), is that Love actually takes a lot of hard work and a really deep commitment.
Of course, we have PLENTY of amazing moments, like traveling to romantic places, laughing, cooking and raising a beautiful daughter together. Everyday, I wake up feeling like I’ve won a lottery by having them in my life.
But, it’s ALSO about showing up, when all you want to do is run away. You are pushed to the edges of your capabilities, and are forced to grow – emotionally, physically, spiritually. There are times you want to break down or shut the person out when your ego says, “I don’t need this anymore. I’m out!” These moments are scary and dark.
As I’m learning, marriage is about service – and I don’t mean this in an old-fashioned model of women serving men!
Rather, it’s about both partners creating a sacred container together, and being in service to that container.
That container could be a marriage, a family, a sacred partnership, a business or nonprofit, a household… it could be however you define it. It’s about creating a garden together, fertilizing the soil, planting seeds you want to grow, and allowing air, water and sunshine to nourish your garden. And then letting go of your expectations of what your garden “should” look like.
In the case of our marriage, we work as an ecosystem. And Lila is part of the ecosystem. All of our contributions are needed in this system to function well – whether it’s physical labor, comedic relief, financial stability, healthy food, spiritual well being. There is no such thing as ‘equality’ or ’50-50 partnership’ – rather, we are focused on healthy interdependence and doing the best we can.
We value family, love, communication, community, creativity, freedom, deep listening, holding space for each other and joy. And we work hard to nourish these intentions.
We don’t care about success or status in the outer world – we are focused on deepening our roots into the earth and loving each other as deeply and openheartedly as we can.
Interestingly, I’ve always dreamed about this kind of relationship. I never could articiulate it before I experienced my transformation. I had a blurry vision and mixed intentions, and as such, always attracted men that weren’t healthy or right for me. These relationships always ended in a breakup because we lacked resonance on a soul-level.
But as I experienced a heart-awakening, I could clearly see a vision of what I wanted to create. And my intentions, mind, body and spirit began to align. That’s when Krishan showed up in my life!
Dear one, you get to decide what kind of relationship you want to create. This is your chance to open up your heart, mind and body to the relationship your soul yearns for. Don’t settle for less!
What values are important to you in a relationship and/or marriage?
What do you want to create together?
What kind of partner do you want to be?
In what ways do you want to show up for your family?
What is your greatest intention, and what kind of work, lifestyle and family-life would align with it?
What are you willing to let go of, in order to align with your intentions?
Wherever you are in your relationship journey, I invite you to journal on these questions. Spend time in silence or in nature, if you’re stuck or uninspired.
The more you spend time understanding your vision and intentions, and tapping into your soul’s desires, the greater the possibility of you manifesting the kind of relationship you deserve.
Here’s to healthy, extraordinary love in your life.