How to Deal With Negative Thinking When You're Single

Do these thoughts ever cross your mind…

… “There are no good men left”
…”All the men left are gay or weird”
… “I’m too old/fat/over-accomplished/uninteresting/[fill in the blank]”
…”All men want is one thing”
…”There must be something wrong with him if he likes me”
… “There must be something wrong with me if I’m single”
… “I’m destined to be single”

Or, if you’re in a relationship:
… “This is too good to be true, when’s the left shoe going to drop?”
… “He’s always late/disinterested/busy/lazy/incapable/weak/[fill in the blank]”

The number of negative thoughts that pervade our thoughts about love is incomprehensible. These thoughts bring us down, keep us single and ruin relationships.

If we’re not conscious about our thought patterns (of which 95% is negative in my opinion), then we will DEFINITELY not attract or keep healthy love.

The only way out of negative thinking is by changing your ATTITUDE to life.

Attitude is everything. I’ll say it again. Attitude is EVERYTHING.

In fact, I invite you to write this out on a postcard and keep it near your bed or computer.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

Your attitude determines how you you react to life’s situations, and what thoughts you have.

A healthy, loving, positive attitude to life not only allows you to reframe a difficult situation into an empowering one, it also increases your vibration.

Our cells in our body form an electro-magnetic field. The Heart Math Institute has shown that our heart has a field that can be felt in the next room!

Studies have shown that depending on the emotions generated by your thinking due to outside triggers, your cells in your body will change their electric impulses, and shift the electro-magnetic field.

When you practice equanimity, self-compassion or positive thinking, you can keep your magnetic field strong and powerful, increasing your radiance.

Keeping this vibration up through life’s ups and downs is true resilience – and requires a positive attitude and shift in perception to how you respond to your circumstances.

When you are radiant and have a positive attitude, you invite love, abundance and healthy relationships into your life through the principle of synchronicity.

I do the work in maintaining a healthy, Goddess attitude, everyday. The impact it has on my relationship with Krishan and our daughter, Lila, is indescribable. I believe that it’s what keeps us afloat during really rough periods, and allows our relationship to reach ecstatic levels in the good times.

When you’re single, have gone through difficult breakups or are stuck in painful relationship patterns, it’s super hard to have a positive attitude. I get it.

Which is even more the reason why I’m reminding you of the inner work needed to create the love life you deserve.

You, my dear, deserve a healthy, conscious, joyful relationship with the partner of your dreams.

I stand for your greatest possibility – even when you sometimes doubt yourself.

But YOU must make a stand for your attitude – that’s the only work you have to do. When you have a good attitude, all your thoughts, words and actions become positively aligned with what you want to create.

So how can you start developing a healthy attitude to your love life?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Meditate every morning. I’m a firm believer that meditation is the cornerstone for transforming our inner darkness into wisdom and love, and increasing one’s vibration. Meditation is now a cornerstone habit in my life, and being part of a meditation community has been hugely transformative.

If you are in NY (I host meditation circles) or are interested in finding a meditation group near your home, e-mail me and I will help you find one.

–> Here’s a 20-minute meditation I’ve created as a gift for for my tribe, which you can use every morning.

You can even get a Rose Quartz crystal and place it in your hand or heart, while you meditate. Rose quartz is my favorite stone for increasing love and open-heartedness.

–> You can purchase a Reiki-infused Rose Quartz stone here to get your love journey started.

2. Say positive affirmations. I love affirmations because they remind us of our highest potential. Plus, the words in affirmations have positive vibrations, and it starts programming our subconscious to start filtering in positive experiences.

–> Here are some affirmations (my gift to you!) that you can do every morning.

3. Reframe your life events in a positive light. The stories that we tell about ourselves is powerful in creating our reality, and determining our attitude. This is an important tool for dealing with negative thinking.

For instance:

“I haven’t met my soulmate” –> “I haven’t met my soulmate, yet” (acknowledging that there’s still possibility)

“I am doomed to be single” –> “I am single and am creating the conditions for a healthy, loving partnership with myself and my future mate. The universe has my back and wants me to be happy. Plus I choose to not settle in my love life.” (acknowledging that partnership is a work in progress – and it’s better to be single than in a painful relationship)

“I can’t believe the relationship’s over!” –> “The relationship wasn’t meant to work, and one or both of us were suffering. I’m open to a healthy relationship and am committed to doing the inner work to not recreate painful patterns.”

“I am so mad at myself for what’s going on in my love life” –> “I love, accept and forgive myself for being single. Everything’s flowing according to divine timing.” (Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness is the most powerful tool for healing and creating a positive mindset)

“There are no more good men out there” –> “Just like me, there’s a loving, kind, relationship-oriented man out there, who is the right partner for me. There is an abundance of kind-hearted men. Plus, all it takes is one!”

4. Serve others and practice kindness, gratitude, forgiveness and generosity everyday.

The world is our mirror. The kind of love that you practice in the world is the kind of love you will attract back to yourself.

I have found that gratitude is the most powerful way to shift my lack-mindset into one of abundance – and immediately put me in a good mood. In fact, Krishan and I practice gratitudes every morning with each other. It’s become the most powerful relationship habit we’ve created together 🙂

Also, service and kindness aligns us to our deepest desires – to be loving, and live in a love-filled, connected world. When we practice kindness and service to ourselves and others, we get connected to the universal energy of love, and we transcend our hardships and limiting beliefs, and even encounter miracles.

Over time, our attitude changes to one of greater harmony, trust, faith and love.

5. Get a love/life/relationship coach. A coach will keep you focused on the goals you have while making sure that your self-doubt and fear doesn’t get in the way.

Dating and love can be filled with anxiety and uncertainty, and without the right support, you can become disheartened or even depressed.

Creating a loving and abundant mindset takes real work, but in my opinion, has the greatest payoff. A loving mindset and healthy attitude WILL get you on the right track for attracting a healthy, loving relationship and creating the life you want.

A coach believes in your greatest potential, and won’t let your negative thoughts get in the way. He/she will help you face your inner demons and keep you on the path to success through skills and mentoring.

As a love coach and spiritual mentor, the greatest transformation I have encountered in my clients is their empowered attitude to their love life. With this level of self confidence, they can take on anything – and are able to attract loving relationships on their terms.

What types of men are you attracting? Take the free Love Magnet Quiz and get your personalized Love Assessment.

Is it time you partnered with a Love & Relationship expert to take control of your life? Apply for a complimentary discovery session with Sarika Jain to discover how you can: