As a mother of a ten month old baby, I’ve also seen how tough children can be on a marriage. The cracks in the relationship start showing, arguments become heated and intimacy starts to wane. Luckily Krishan and I have done a lot of work in building our foundation in our relationship to get through this tough (yet exciting!) period joyfully.
As a love & relationship coach and happily married, you must be wondering what the heck I’m talking about. Well, just hear me out…
Those of you who know me know that I’m actually against marriage, in everyday parlance.
I despise the institution and what it does to women (and men). It’s modern-day slavery in many parts of the world, and even for modern, successful, go-getter women, it ends up perpetuating suffering, rather than creating joy.
Everyday, I meet new moms that are struggling physically and emotionally, and discovering that they’re not getting what they want out of their marriage.
The truth is, most of us get married for the wrong reasons.
We think that once we meet our guy, we’ll have romance, freedom and partnership – we can create the life we want! We imagine traveling with our partners, buying a home and having kids, and life will work out.
But, time and time again, I see both partners falling into old patterns and sabotaging the relationship. Women don’t know how to communicate their feelings and needs, and swing between being a doormat or a bitch. When the relationship is stressful, the worst of us comes out.
Many women end up feeling overwhelmed, guilty or resentful in their marriage.
If you don’t want to feel this way – don’t get married.
Instead, do the work to create Partnership.
Partnership is different than marriage, in that both people come in with a sense of self-awareness, and align on values, vision and intention.
Partnership is truly freeing. Both people feel like they can be their true selves, and enjoy play, emotional connectedness and creating a vision together. Both are willing to do the inner work to make sure they can be the best version of themselves with each other. Best of all, children in this type of household grow up feeling a sense of warmth and unconditional love.
On our first date, Krishan gave me a tiger lily stem with a note that said, “I am here to create space, shine light and give joy”. I was blown away by this simple intention – because that was also mine.
I didn’t want to get married anymore (in the traditional sense) – I wanted a partnership in which I could be my most loving, authentic, joyful self. A person with whom I could create a relationship based on trust, communication, service and freedom.
When we got married, it felt sacred and liberating. Here’s a video from our gorgeous wedding.
My own journey to partnership started when I was single.
After my devastating breakup with my ex-fiance, I realized that I, too, had been short-sighted in what I wanted. I decided to let go of the idea of wanting marriage.
I wanted partnership, or nothing.
I began on a Love Mastery journey of *really* learning how to love myself and others, improving my communication skills, releasing my limiting beliefs and conditioning and opening myself up to new possibilities.
I reconnected with my feminine side, and began to lead a life of purpose and passion. I clarified my vision, and I started to lean into it. I embraced my inner goddess.
All of my relationships started improving, including the one with myself.
I was experiencing flow, joy and ease in my life – and even the men I was attracting were of higher quality!
It was in this space that I met Krishan, synchronistically, at a meditation group – just 90 days after that breakup. This was five years ago, and every day, we express our gratitude for each other, and I feel cherished, safe and supported.
Are you interested in bursting through your own limiting beliefs and getting on the path to meeting your Life Partner?
A partnership based on unconditional love, freedom and mutual respect?
Then here are some questions for you – whether you are single or in a relationship (I invite you to spend a day meditating on these, and journaling the answers):
1. What is your vision for your life? What kind of partnership, romance, career, lifestyle do you want? What’s sacred to you?
2. How would having this make you feel? (Really feel into this – this is key to manifesting)
3. What’s getting in your way to having these things? What’s it costing you, mentally, physically, emotionally?
4. What are you committed to, no matter what it takes?
5. What’s one step you can take TODAY towards your goals?
Start setting an intention for your life and partnership goals, and taking actions on them. The universe will conspire to have your dreams come true.
P.S. That’s a photo from our engagement in the Bahamas – a day I will never forget!