Last night, when Krishan came home, he seemed distant and withdrawn. At first, I thought it was me. I felt that he didn’t like it when I worked till late, and that I couldn’t be fully present for him. I was a little concerned, and afraid, and perhaps even annoyed at his reluctance to share with me when I asked him what was wrong; why he withdrew. I certainly didn’t want this to be a trend!

I invited him into the bedroom, and offered deep listening. Then I pulled out the NVC Feelings/Needs sheet, and started offering him some empathy. He was resistant at first. Then, after being patient, and slowly asking him in a gentle way, it helped him open up about his fears around his job, business, amongst others. I reflected his reality back to him.

I had to curb my tendency to soothe him, or say it will all be alright. Or that things aren’t what they seem, and we should have faith. Instead, I just listened, and accepted where he was at. It took about 45 minutes. In the end, he looked lighter.

This kind of patience, and offering of deep listening and holding space for another’s suffering, and growing in appreciation and understanding takes time. It has to be nurtured everyday, and over years sometimes.

I will admit that it takes so much to curb my own reactions, and ‘what I think is right’ and how to ‘fix the problem’ – and generating enough self-love to not take their state-of-being personally, also is a practice.

And now I feel blessed!! Here is an excerpt from the note Krishan sent me this note this morning:


Thank you for being there for me. Through the rough and the beautiful moments. Your presence, your sticking with me, and your gently asking questions to help me go inward, when all I wanted to do is curl up into a ball is a testament to who you are. And, what you value. Thank you. You are an amazing women, you are an amazing being, and I am so grateful.

Last night, I am not even so sure how I felt, but I know there was so much emotion that I wanted to disassociate from myself and not be in my body, so I could keep myself together. I want you to know that I love you.”

I was touched by his awareness, and willingness to appreciate me too!


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