As a young woman, I was always hard on myself to be the best I could. I was determined to be strong and be seen as capable, and independent when I needed to be. As I share in my ebook 5 Mistakes Women Make in Love this tendency ultimately pushed men away from me.
I didn’t realize that this was a coping mechanism, being in a patriarchal society that pushes performance over feelings, and perfectionism over beingness.
What if, on the flip side, you begin to accept your vulnerable, tender, feminine side? The side that’s used to life being a little messy, and is adaptive, raw, honest and creative? That’s where love lives!
Recently, I witnessed three miracles occur through vulnerability:
– In my couples’ therapy session with my husband Krishan, I opened up about my concerns and fears. I felt like crying. I didn’t blame my husband, I took ownership of my truth and feelings. I was afraid and embarrassed of being judged, and yet both my therapist and husband held me in a comforting way. Later on, Krishan commented about how sexy I was when I was being vulnerable, and the conversation no doubt it brought us closer.
– A client reached out to her husband who’s left a few months ago, after a 30 day no-contact period in which she was practicing self-love and self-care. She was scared as heck, yet, she drew up the courage to contact him. Although his response was less than she had expected (but she had braced herself for all outcomes), she felt a surge of compassion for herself and him, and even a sense of freedom because of her strength.
– Another client broke up with her man, and did it in a vulnerable, compassionate way in which she shared all of her concerns. She let him go even though she really liked him, understanding that she needed the space to simply ‘be’ and heal. This shook him up, and he began a self-love and self-awareness journey, meditating, journaling, reading up about love. He then reached out to her after the 30-day no-contact period, telling her how much she meant to him. She felt so grateful and even blissful, and surrendered to the divine to guide their relationship moving forward.
In all these instances, we were forced to give up perfectionism, and instead surrender to the power of vulnerability.
You see, vulnerability is sexy and moving – and it’s deeply feminine.
When you’re vulnerable, the masculine side of a man slowly begins to wake up. Moreover, the world begins to rise to fulfill your needs. It might not get you the exact results you’re looking for, but you can be assured that your needs will be taken care of – and here’s the catch, many a time you will receive WAY more than you could have even imagined!
What’s your relationship to vulnerability and perfectionism? When was the last time you were deeply vulnerable, and what was the outcome? Do you support others in their vulnerability?
What types of men are you attracting? Take the free Love Magnet Quiz and get your personalized Love Assessment.
Is it time you partnered with a Dating, Love & Relationship expert to take control of your life? Apply for a discovery session with Sarika Jain to discover how you can:
- Practice Self Love
- Clear your inner blocks and increase your vibration & magnetism
- Date and attract your soulmate in a healthy, joyful way