Relationships are our greatest teachers.
From a karmic standpoint each relationship we have – whether it’s incidental like a colleague at work, or intimate like a parent or lover – is present in our life for some sort of healing. Even a random encounter like the grocer or bumping into someone on the street. There are no coincidences.
Relationships give us many opportunities – to learn how to be kind and compassionate, to release judgement of others (and ourselves), to forgive. Some difficult relationships are also here teach us how to love and honor ourselves, set healthy boundaries and speak our truths.
For me, healing my relationship patterns is a huge part of my spiritual growth journey.
If you experience suffering in a relationship, then there is a possibility that you could have caused it, unintentionally. You may have hurt the person in the past, or perhaps you have a karmic contract with them where they are helping you learn and heal something. If unresolved, this can turn into a recurring spiritual pattern in your life.
Read more about healing spiritual blocks here.
For instance, during my healing journey, I learned that I had dumped my ex many lifetimes ago in the same way he had dumped me (!). I was shocked, and yet I was humbled that I could have possibly hurt him in that way. It allowed me to look at him with eyes of compassion, and helped me understand the pattern I faced in my love life around getting dumped, over and over.
We can choose to view our relationships through the lens of healing, even extremely difficult ones, starting today. (Please note, this does not mean that you should put up with toxic behavior. You can practice this silently, while being proactive in your healing and releasing of those toxic relationships.)
Contemplate ways in which you may have hurt someone, unintentionally or intentionally. Take responsibility for your actions, allowing yourself to feel self-forgiveness at the same time. We are human and are all meant to make mistakes, while using them to learn, heal and grow. I remember my coach telling me, “There are no mistakes, only experiences.” Over time, I’ve learned to feel regret for ways in which I’ve hurt others, ask for forgiveness if needed, and move on positively, committing to doing better next time.
I love using the Hawaiian practice called Ho’oponopono, which roughly translated into English, is “I’m sorry, thank you, I love you, please forgive me.” This is a profound practice that can be used for anyone or any situation that triggers you. In Hawaii, a therapist, Dr. Hew Len, cured an entire ward of criminally insane people using Ho’oponopono!
In your mind, think of people that are trigger you (or someone you have hurt), and in your heart, begin to pray, “I’m sorry, thank you, I love you, please forgive me” over and over. I do this with a lot of intention, recognizing that each person and interaction is a gift, and I can offer apology, gratitude and my love to transmute old wounds.
Alternatively, if someone has hurt you, you can think, “I accept you. I love you. I forgive you.”
For instance, I once had a rude and aggressive boss. I felt hurt and wanted to quit. Before I did, I began to silently practice Ho’oponopono with him until I reached a place of peace within me. I could speak with him without getting all worked up. Slowly the charge around that relationship began to dissipate, and I found myself easily releasing that relationship and not carrying the pattern further. The next boss I had was much more compassionate and understanding.
These prayers have changed the course of my life, making me happier and more compassionate, while bringing me healthier relationships, like the one with my beloved husband.
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