I was recently in a guided group meditation the other day on the topic of Sacred Money. As I was exploring my own intention & relationship with money, I suddenly got the insight that I’m here to play! I got the image of all of us simply playing with each other, with joy and pleasure, without taking the whole game of life so damn seriously. This helped me take the charge out of money (and my stories around it). I imagined money as a way of connecting with people, co-creating things, and exchanging energy in a joyful way. I felt a heart opening and a sense of wonder around new possibilities – like an expansion.
Play is a feminine quality – and is often seen as child-like or naive in our society.
Yet, looking back, I realize that when I began dating from a more divine feminine place – I began attracting the right kinds of men towards me. Suddenly, I was enjoying the dating process – and it was in this energy that I met Krishan.
I was employing three key divine feminine skills while dating – Presence, Play & Pleasure.
These traits may seem less desirable in our masculine world, and yet they hold the very essence of what helps a woman step into her power in her love life and at work.
Now, let me explain the importance of each, and how they work to support women in achieving success – especially with men!
Presence: By far, the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and our loved ones – and the greatest turn on for men – is our presence. Presence is the ability to bring full awareness to our thoughts, feelings and sensations in our body, along with our surrounding environment. It has the inherent quality of being in the present moment (and not lost in the past or future), a timelessness and awareness. Presence is super sexy because not only are we in complete control of our reactions to things that trigger us, it allows us to immerse ourselves and enjoy the moment – and experience the glory of rapture and falling in love.
I remember when I started dating Krishan, I would just try to be present to him, listening to his stories and thoughts with my full body, sharing my own that would arise in that moment. We would take mindful walks in parks, looked at flowers, ate in beautiful cafes, laughing and enjoying the present moment. He was so mesmerized by me. Let me tell you – presence is one of the most seductive traits we can have.
I genuinely felt joy and compassion around him (and each of the guys I went on dates with), despite having uncertainty about the future. It helped me not get lost in all the drama of dating (“Why didn’t he call?? What does his text mean?? What if he’s seeing anyone else?? Why did he reject me??“).
Being present also helped me access my deepest intuition during dating, which gets hidden when we’re lost in analysis and fear about the future. Intuition and wisdom are divine feminine qualities that help us women navigate which man is right for us, when to go on a second date (or end a date early) and when to leave a relationship or job. It’s also something very sexy, which men find a turn on! It’s us being natural and authentic.
Lastly, presence is a very important quality in undoing our deepest painful conditioning and patterns around love. We become present to the ways in which we’re sabotaging ourselves and are able to make healthier choices. It also allows us to have more acceptance, appreciation and compassion for ourselves.
** To access presence, begin practicing meditation on a daily basis, even if it’s just for 20 minutes.
>> I’ve recorded a meditation that you can download here.
Try to bring mindfulness into your daily activities, like walking, washing dishes, doing your laundry, or while eating meals. One of my favorite books on mindfulness is called Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh – you can download a free pdf here.
Play: Play involves having fun and not taking things too seriously. It involves the use of imagination, humor, pleasure, flirting, exploration, curiosity, enchantment, wonder or any other quality that creates joy and connectedness.
This is a quality that not only serves us while dating, it’s one of the most important ingredients for marriage and making a relationship last. I’ve personally found play incredibly helpful in so many arenas – being a great partner, being a fun mom, staying young and vibrant, having an openness to life and possibilities, and having easy-going relationships with my loved ones.
Playfulness while dating takes the pressure off and brings ease and joy into a situation. For instance, if a guy asks you a question that puts you off, like “So how come you’re still on this dating site?” which could cause you to roll your eyes. You could respond playfully, “Well, I’ve been waiting to meet a man like you, sweetie :)” Or “I just can’t get enough of going on fun dates with tons of interesting men :)” making light of their comment or flirting with the guy, even saying something edgy. After all, you don’t know what the intention was behind his question – so why just play!
In marriage, I’ve found that play is the one thing that keeps my relationship with Krishan to be romantic and feel like a safe haven even when everything around us seems like it’s crumbling. We’re able to navigate difficult emotional issues because, on a more foundational level, we enjoy playing with each other and know that there’s an inherent lightness and freedom to our love.
Playfulness is a divine feminine quality because as women, we innately understand that everything in life is impermanent and magical possibilities are everywhere. We understand the underlying destruction and creation processes of nature, due to our ability to give birth to life. We’re divine beings, connected on a deep level to mystery, love, God and creation. When we’re connected to our feminine wisdom, we come to know that pleasure is our divine right as human beings, and that being in pleasure not only reconnects us with joy, it is what allows us to make healthy choices for ourselves (outside of society’s expectations) and have the capacity to heal and experience true love.
** In order to bring play into your life, begin to add one activity of pleasure, daily. It could be slow, gentle self pleasure, going to a pool (like I do!), eating ice cream, art… just begin to add some pleasure into your life, and while dating – try not to take things too seriously or personally. Dating is inherently vulnerable and sometimes scary, so having a playful attitude can support you in actually enjoying it!
Pleasure: Being in touch with your pleasure is about finding out what turns you on. When you’re in a turned on state, you connect with your deepest desires, and you are tuned into your natural, feminine, wild, creative intelligence – the part of you that creates babies, life and ideas.
Pleasure is also a gateway for a woman becoming aware and embodied in her femininity and sexuality, deeply connected to her desires, and feeling powerful enough to act on them.
When you’re dating from a place of pleasure and being sexually empowered as a woman, you aren’t afraid to say no when something doesn’t feel right, trust in your innate intelligence and walk away from men that are toxic and you feel bold enough to ask for certain needs and desires to be met. You are in your most authentic, joyful state when you’re turned on.
Just to be clear, though, ‘turn on’ doesn’t necessarily refer to being sexual or horny – it simply means being inspired, connected with your deepest truths and and your femininity.
A woman who is turned on and follows her pleasure is radiant – and it even shines through in her dating profile.
When you’re turned on, men find you to be utterly sexy, and they feel defenseless and even vulnerable around you.
These qualities are within you already, dear Goddess.
If you notice little girls, they are innately playful, present and connected with pleasure. They are loving, wise and fierce by their very nature, knowing what they want and how to ask for it (like my little 2 year old!).
However, through my own journey, I found that for me to access these divine feminine qualities, I’ve had to release my emotional blocks, beliefs and conditioning – and cultivate these skills consciously.
Even today, it’s a regular, daily practice for me. I am proud to say that all of these traits have helped me be my most radiant, authentic, joyful self.
So today, dear one, begin to access these qualities within you. And see how it impacts your dating life! Summer is a great time to play with all of these 🙂
In the comments section, I’d love to hear how you bring presence, play and pleasure in your life!
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