(I wrote this in October, 2015)
Last week, I talked about how I had reached a roadblock in my life – I was feeling less, and less sweet and connected with the world. The ideas in my head were just – ideas in my head.
I was afraid of being vulnerable. My healer told me my sexual chakra was blocked.
I looked far and wide for answers. I worked with a Tantric sex coach, healer, yoga teacher, business intuitive. I spoke with wise elders, and attended workshops on sacred relationships. I went on shamanic journeys.
Apparently, even though I was sexual, I hadn’t really explored the power of my feminine, sexual side fully.
And… I took the plunge – I decided to try OM – Orgasmic Meditation – a practice in which a man stimulates your clitoris for 15 minutes – straight.
Where did all of this bring me?
I studied the psychology of an orgasm, and learned the difference between an orgasm and climax.
Yes, my friends, this is how seriously I take my work 😉
The answers I found were…
An orgasm is a song of limbic resonance between two people, with many mini-peaks of ecstatic joy and ‘letting go’… during the process, you release oxytocin.
A climax is one in which you are going for the kill. The small peaks are good… but the major one is the cliff! Once you fall off the cliff, there’s a dopamine rush. Yes – that’s why climaxes are addictive…
And, my friends, this is the masculine way of life – living for the sake of climaxes. Think about it – we live for weekends, projects, marriage, children. All major ‘outcomes’.
At first, once you achieve any of these, the euphoria is high. But, after that euphoric rush… you feel sad, and a little depleted. A little meaningless.
And this is how I was living my life! When I get engaged, I’ll be set. When I make $xx per month, I’ll be happy. When my book is perfect, I will release it – and it has to be done right…
Where’s the joy in the journey? The vulnerability of asking people for help? For using the project as a means for further connection – a context for engaging with the world?
And what about a relationship – is it all about marriage and having kids? What about the sweetness in everyday life? The use of every moment to engage deeply, to surrender, practice the devotion of love…
This is an orgasmic life… when you live for the sweetness in everyday life.
And sweetness in life comes from… intimate relationships.
Yes. At the core, we really want love, connection and belonging. Everything else is a ruse to help us get this.
How to be intimate
To be intimate, and to fall in love, or to have an orgasm, requires you to overcome your shame about who you are… and not be afraid to be vulnerable and openhearted. And, you must be willing to take risks in your life, to be vulnerable…
But, how come it’s so hard??
As I’ve learned, as modern women, we have many variables going against us:
- a) Our core basis for forming a relationship is weak: The basis for an intimate relationship (or an orgasm!) is trust, safety and faith. And, as I’ve learned, this first has to start within us, especially as women. A man cannot give us these.
- b) Then, you need to surrender, and let go. This is hard, because our ‘active center’ in our brain is being overly vigilant. Have you notice, that right before you’re about to climax, all these thoughts start coming up? Chores, fears, to-dos… yes, basically it’s your cortex, stalling and freaking out. It’s there for biological reasons to protect from predators. The problem is when, on a subconscious level – everyone’s a predator.
The double whammy for smart, successful women, is that our cortex is so damn BIG. It’s ALWAYS on – always overthinking everything. And trust me, I’m the biggest example of that!
- c) Our limbic system has been numbed: Overtime, with so much focus on deskwork and ‘climax-based living’, which focuses on the oppositeof forming connections, our involuntary muscles forming the limbic system – the one that has the connecting, empathetic, loving side – has been numbed – literally. Most nerves are desensitized, and not even reached through the brain.
We are working based on the mind, and not on resonance, based on the body.
How can we fall in love, if our body has stopped desiring it??
- d) Desire, love, connection and arousal are given a bad rep: The very things that make up the feminine essence, the reason for which the female body was created, are looked down upon in our society – even in the spiritual communities.
You must be wondering why a woman’s body is different than a man’s…. well, for one, we are designed for creating life – not just babies – but possibilities, ideas… you name it! It is the woman’s magnetic power of her womb, that can literally manifest anything – even for her husband.
Moreover, women were designed to be lovers. We inherently love our children, because we birthed them… and we love life. Period. Most holistic, faith, love-based initiatives are filled with women.
To have and raise children, requires a tremendous amount of faith – in God. Whether or not a woman admits this – it’s there, underlying her psyche – to feel that her children will be safe, no matter what.
Also, I want to declare: Human Love is a spiritual path – and you can gain enlightenment – as a woman!
Have you noticed how modern-day companies make it hard to be a mother, or a ‘nurturer’ in the office? Or how being ‘too sexy’ or ‘not sexy enough’ is constantly the question?
And… to feel aroused, or to be in touch with one’s menstrual cycle, or even one’s body… is considered ‘taboo’ to be talked about, openly. Most girls are confused about their bodies, and the sacredness of sex, and grow up massively confused, and hurt.
We are carrying shame from our whole life – and this shame is like dead weight on our ecstatic life force.
- e) We have come to gender neutrality, which is killing our relationships: As I learned, being a woman inside of a relationship is a divine gift. Being a ‘well of life’, I can literally infuse my partner with ecstatic life force… Shakti energy. Learning to be a lover, and surrender to my Beloved – my husband and his masculine essence, is such a journey for me. I can only trust and love his masculine side – if I do the same for mine – and not shy away from it.
Being an ‘equal’ breadwinner kills the sacredness of the attraction between masculine and feminine energy.
I must heal and empower my feminine side, to trust my masculine side… and trust my partner. This is a very profound journey.
Moreover, learning how to be accepting, non-judgmental, empathetic, joyful, flowing and creating a safe container for both of our evolution… is critical. And it’s something a woman can naturally bring to a relationship.
- f) Our bodies were designed for orgasmic experiences, not climax: Women live longer, have vivacious lives into their later years, are always nurturing and tending to people… our bodies were not designed to live with a project plan, and work, work, work. We were meant to engage with life, and enjoy the small pleasures. And do the hardest tasks – giving birth, caring for the sick, creating nurturing environments.
How many mothers I meet, who keep nurturing their children – all the way until they die? This amount of love, desire, and withstanding pain… has to last a lifetime!
- g) We are carrying the wounds of self and many: Digging deep into a woman’s psyche, she still has so many scars, from her own life (past heartbreaks, pain and suffering) – her mother, all the women around the world. We are tapped into human consciousness – but also feminine consciousness.
Nearly 50% of women have been raped or molested. In india, even married women are raped by there husbands.
For us modern day women, we’re dealing with a deep distrust for men. Losing one’s hard-earned freedom, and surrendering it to unconscious male energy… is a deep fear that so many have. There’s so much pain and suffering in this world – and many people are connected to this.
Healing these wounds, discovering what’s holding us back, in our heart, mind and soul, is deeply important – in order to invite a loving relationship in our lives
- h) Relationship skills are not taught: It’s amazing how much I’ve spent on my education in my life – over $1M. I’ve attended the crème de la crème of programs in both India and the US… and never, was I taught the basic skills of forming connection in a relationship.
Nor… what a healthy relationship between a man or woman looks like. I’ve had so few examples… that I had no real basis for my own relationships.
How can we have empathy, love and connection – if we’re not taught the skills for deep listening, being kind, or speaking with compassion?
We live in a pressure-cooker society where most people suppress their truths, resentments and desires… and then, in one moment – blow up! Yes, this is ‘going postal’. We experience apocalypses in our work and relationships.
How do we speak our truth – stand up for injustice, express our desires, or even practice love? We need the skills to do so.
- i) We are out of sync with our soul’s desires: Accepting who we really are, on a core level, and allowing our soul essence to shine through – is a key element to falling in love with life. Honestly, whether you were meant to be a mother, a yoga teacher, or a successful corporate woman – it really doesn’t matter – as long as you allow your own essence to shine through.”
- Practice Self Love
- Clear your spiritual blocks and increase your vibration & magnetism
- Date and attract your soulmate in a healthy, joyful way