Dear all, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to be here today. Thank you Liz for organizing this powerful workshop and for the idea behind Connect 2 Coach, and to all of our wonderful coaches here today – Jill, Emma and Jenni!
Since this event is about attracting loving relationships, I’m going to start with a little exercise.
Can everyone please stand up? Maybe even look around, acknowledge each other – thank each other for bringing their beautiful presence here.
If you are at least 100% satisfied in your relationships, and you are flowing with deep, connected love all around you and through you – please sit down!
Now, if you are about 80% satisfied – maybe even the relationship you have with yourself, and most of your family and friends – or maybe your romantic partner – please sit down.
If you’re around 40% happy – you know there are some improvements needed, or feel the need for some greater sense of joy and satisfaction, then please sit
If you’re at least 1% happy with your relationships, then please sit down!
What have you learned?
I want to start by saying that I don’t have any real advice to share, on how to find love. But I do have 2 stories to share.
The first one has me back about 7 years ago. I had just graduated from a top business school, and worked at a brand name consulting firm.
I knew everything was right – except for one thing – I wanted to find my husband. Being Indian, this was deeply ingrained in me. Marriage is considered the most important and sacred institution.
I had already spent my 20s going through great relationships, but experiencing heartbreak.
This time, I knew things were different – I was smart, educated and beautiful – and this time, focused on finding the right partner.
I went home to India, and met with an astrologer. He said that if I didn’t get married within a year, I would be single for the next 6 years. I was disturbed, and yet, hopeful.
When I came back to New York, I was on a mission. No more wasting time! I bought a whole new wardrobe, learned how to be sexy, and how to be a great date.
I went online, and packed my schedule with dates. I had color-coded my calendar with notations around 1st or 2nd dates, or phone calls.
I would go into each date with a positive attitude.
I would go into each date wondering, “Maybe he’s the one!” If it didn’t work out, I would say, “Oh well – his loss!”
Over time, though, I found that my enthusiasm was wearing off.
I found that guys wouldn’t call me back, or they would text me late at night, saying “I know it’s kind of late, but I’m in the area – mind if I swing by?”.
Ladies – has this ever happened to you? Uggh, I was disgusted!
Soon enough though, I started to wonder, “If I’m so beautiful and talented, why am I still single? What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?” I looked at my friends who had everything going for them – and were even happily married.
I decided to hire a dating coach, and learned all about online dating, and effective dating strategies. I learned how to flirt effectively. I started coaching other women in how to do the same – I even helped both of my sisters find their husbands online!
Within a few months of persistence – I met the man of my dreams. He was everything on my checklist – a doctor, Indian, slightly older than me – and I was attracted to him.
I implemented every piece of advice I got in books – how ‘not to be a doormat’, and how to keep a man interested in me. I followed ‘The Rules’ to the T, on how to get engaged within a year. Our chemistry was great, and there were small things that I felt uncomfortable and anxious with, but I kept quiet.
I told myself – don’t worry – once you get married, everything will be smooth – relationships take time!
A year after we met, we got engaged! I was on top of the world. We even held a huge, elegant engagement ceremony, in which hundreds of people flew in. I was proud of my achievement.
A month after our engagement, though, things started getting a little shaky between us.
We went to therapy to see if we could resolve this.
Then, one day, he asked if I could meet him at a restaurant. I got all dressed up, and looked like an elegant, trophy woman.
After ordering the appetizers, he looked in my eyes, said, “Sarika, I’m sorry, I can’t marry you. You have deep-set psychological issues, and control issues. You seem to push away everyone who’s close to you. Plus, I can’t seem to trust you.” I was shocked, and yet, I felt like I was in a play. I pleaded with him to give it another chance – that we can make things work!
He said, “We need to take some time apart to heal”.
With that, he left.
I went home, deeply heartbroken, disturbed and devastated. I was also numb with shock.
It was as though the rug had been pulled from under me.
Then a voice came from my heart, that said, “I need spiritual healing.”
That’s story #1
The next day, I wandered the streets aimlessly. I wanted to kill myself.
I saw a sign that said “Psychic” in golden, bringing light.
Although my logical mind said no – my body wandered in.
It was there that I met Pat, a romanian gypsy psychic. She recounted, word for word, what happened with my fiance.
She looked at me and my energy field, and said that I was like a toxic mess inside. My heart and sacral chakras were shutting down.
She said that I was a magnet for heartbreak, and that if I didn’t begin to heal my blocks, then I would keep attracting the same type of pain over and over in my life.
She said that I didn’t even know what I wanted in my life, because I was so deeply disconnected with myself. I was settling for ‘good enough’, because that’s all I thought i was worthy of.
She gave me a choice – either I start my healing now, and spend an enormous amount of money, or I can continue mymerry way.
In that moment – those 15 seconds of courage – I said yes, I need help.
It was then that I started a self-love and healing process. I learned to forgive, and let go. I faced my ex with courage, and learned what I needed to – whether he was the right one for me.
I gave my hands to the universe and prayed for grace.
And started to create a loving lifestyle for myself. Face my fears, and emotions – without running away or drinking to numbness. I joined a service community, to hold meditation sits, and serve others – even if my heart was still broken. I did random acts of kindness.
And I started to immerse myself in understanding what true love is through teachers, and books and coaches.
I realize that marriage, in the way I defined and understood it – was just a goal – a form of imprisonment. I was chasing an illusion.
I let go of my goals, and started to shift my perception about creating a life of love. I started doing things that ‘I like’, like taking myself out on dates, hanging out in parks, taking energy healing classes.
Then one day – something magical happened – I was free! My mind stopped being a whirlwind – everything was calm, loving and soft.
I started to become a magnet for love. People would give me gifts and compliments – and I would receive them with grace.
I started dating again – going online. I started meeting wonderful guys everywhere. I started having compassion and understanding for everyone I met.
Then, something magical happened. A few months later, I met a lovely man, named Krishan.
We both began to date, in a very mindful way. We learned how to communicate with love, and give each other freedom and space and grow and heal and be ourselves. We dropped all expectations from each other – and decided to live only in the present moment. This was hard – especially since we were so attracted to each other.
Then, a year later, we got engaged! We got married this past November, in the style that I had always dreamed about – in my dad’s hometown in India. I am truly grateful to be in such a loving relationship.
End of story 2
The lessons I learned – as shared on the sheet:
- First, I needed to discover My Loving Self. I was my own worst critic, and my thoughts were out of control. I had to learn to truly love myself, in a truly deep and connected way. Only then could someone else truly love me!
- Second is that I needed to shine light on my beliefs and blocks that were holding me back from loving completely, and heal my sabotage patterns
- Third was that I needed to really own my Wow Factor. I was leading a life that was opposite of my passion – and had very low self-esteem and confidence.
- Fourth – I had to create the conditions for loving relationships in my life. I didn’t know how to love openly and authentically, and my relationship skills sucked! I really needed to learn new skills.
I have become so passionate about healing, that it is the kind of support I offer to other single women, as a relationshipcoach and healer.
And this is the journey that you will be going on today, with 3 other wonderful coaches, who are well-versed in what it takes to create the conditions for a healthy relationship.
With that, let’s open up to the next section of our event.