As my 2nd year of marriage is approaching (this Thanksgiving!), I am contemplating so many things… first of all – whoa, how time flies! Whenever I’ve met couples who say that they’ve been married for 10-15 years, and they can’t ‘believe it’, I didn’t completely understand. But now I can see how this can happen.
(Here’s a video of my wedding highlights in India 🙂
What I’ve noticed is that it’s not simply about ‘time flies when you’re having a good time’ – it’s just that marriage can turn ‘normal’ – and even boring – pretty quickly. It’s easy to start taking each other for granted, falling into a Netflix rut, and let go of deep communication. Moreover, resentment can pile up over time if certain needs aren’t addressed.
Luckily, Krishan and I have worked pretty hard at trying to carve out date nights and romantic, spontaneous trips.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling lost, or disconnected, I wonder to myself… was marriage really worth it??
To be honest, there’s always a part of me that wants to be left alone – that doesn’t WANT or NEED a relationship. It’s my independent side, that never wants to depend on a man – or make him feel that I need him. In a way, it’s paradoxical, because this same ‘independent woman’ has a deeply ‘insecure little girl’ that hangs on to her man like a security blanket. This little girl NEEDS a man so much, that she’s afraid of losing him – and she constantly tests this love… even looking for evidence for why this relationship isn’t going to work out.
Do you relate?
Luckily, I met a man who understands this about me – and STILL wants to be there for me. Sometimes, my ‘unworthy self’ wonders…”Why??”
And yet, there’s a fiercely loving, fearless part of me, that knows she wants and deserves a healthy, loving partnership. The one that’s been studying relationship skills for years, and believes in the transformative power of a joyful, loving, compassionate heart. The one that wants to bring love into every aspect of her life – even turning it into a coaching practice.
So, I wanted to share with you my latest thoughts on whether marriage is truly worth it.
The short answer is – no.
You CAN be happy on your own, without a partner.
You can be deeply satisfied in a relationship, that doesn’t turn into marriage.
However, when you’re with a marriage-minded man, who is devoted to you and the relationship – and you’re devoted to him and the relationship – THEN it’s worth it.
When you both have done the foundational work within yourselves, and for the relationship – THEN you can talk about marriage.
Because marriage is complicated.
You have to make joint decisions about money, sex, parents, children, career, lifestyle – pretty much everything.
You have to be willing to be ‘wrong’ and let go of needing to be ‘right’ – and being in control.
You have to learn how to surrender.
You have to learn how to compromise (which is hard for us Independent Women!) – without becoming a doormat.
You have to learn how to embrace your feminine side (if you want a strong, powerful man).
You have to work on being happy – within yourself – and let go of having a partner who makes you happy.
You have to be wiling to share your feelings/needs – and create PLENTY of space for another human being’s problems, feelings & needs.
You have to be willing to face your deepest fears around trust, safety, rejection, security – all the old wounds that get triggered because of your relationship.
This is a tall order – and no one ever explained this to me prior to marriage!
So… is marriage worth it??
Well, I’ve realized that for me to grow as a Human Being – marriage IS worth it.
I know I still have ‘karmic’ lessons to learn – and in my heart, I know I was meant to learn them with Krishan – and even my future family. Plus, I want to lead a heart-open life, with deep intimacy, through the platform of marriage.
If this is what it entails – so be it!
Plus, knock on wood, I get to be with a man who wants this too!
The fulfillment is divine. Not a day goes where I don’t feel loved. I get to face my fears – AND have a man who wants to be there to hold me through it. I feel safe, cherished and loved.
If this resonates with you, and you are either single, or in a relationship, then I invite you to check out my two upcoming workshops this month.
>>These workshops will prepare you for inviting, and cultivating, the relationship of your dreams.
1. Soulmate Through Synchronicity: Attract the relationship of your dreams – Workshop for Women
Thursday, September 15th, 2016
Get Early Bird tix here.
2. The Secret to Thriving Relationships – Workshop for both singles and in a relationship
Tuesday, September 27th, 2016
Get Early Bird tix here.
With love and gratitude,