Healing the Mother (and Father) wound is the most important for us to grow into our fully actualized selves. I am sharing some notes from a recent interview with Bethany Webster, from the Her Terms telesummit.
I have used a similar process for healing my relationships with myself, and others who love me. My techniques also involve some inner child work – aspects of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Reconciliation – and a lot of it, through other mindfulness/forgiveness practices. It really depends on how the wound is manifesting in a person’s life today – especially as it comes to one’s relationships and career.
Healing the Mother Wound- 7 Steps by Bethany Webster
- Seeing our mother as foundation as woman – inventory of mother’s beliefs – sex, money, relationships, career,
Look at how it’s relevant to me
Also explores other elements of human development
- Taboos & stereotypes that don’t allow us to heal the mother wound
e.g. don’t be angry at your mom – shame-based
- Addressing the mother gap – gap between what you needed vs received. Source of pain in some way – then we project onto others
- Giving up the ‘impossible dream’ –
unconscious belief – if only i xxx then my mother will finally xxx (accept, love, etc) me
It was not your fault that she couldn’t meet your needs. You were powerless
- Allowing yourself to grieve – we can’t change our families. Wearing a mask doesn’t solve anything – true love. Mother wound is like physical wound – give yourself support, love,
The more we grieve – the more we let go – healing for men – existential grief
- Transforming the inner mother – Our mother’s voices live in our heads -> a mother who can support us. This is the beginning of our true freedom. Transform attachment bond from outer mother to inside of us. The more inner safetey we create – we become more innovative
- Emergence – life beyond mother wound – Ton of energy returned to us/freed up for new choices/directions – great ease that opens up in life. Expanded capacity for pleasure. Deserving of things – setting boundaries. Honoring the journey and creating more space. Managing mother wound going forward. We heal on a spiral – it never goes away – it transforms from pain to a source of wisdom & compassion. Wound becomes light. Divine purpose of mother wound is to shatter our heart open and hold everything in our hearts.