People are going to trigger and annoy you.
And that’s a good thing. (Uggh! I know it stinks)
The purpose of relationships is grow, learn your karmic lessons, and embrace the basic values of compassion, kindness, acceptance and generosity – and mature spiritually, mentally and emotionally. This is why we’re here on the planet.
But let’s face it. Being in the real world is challenging. Ghosting, communication breakdowns, arguments, resentment, anger, self-doubt, fear (“Is he the one?”, “Will I stay single forever?”, “Will I ever be a mother – and do I even want to?”) – this is the the reality for many of us navigating our family, love life and careers.
We feel envious and judgmental. We want to avoid certain people. And when things are too painful, we distract ourselves from it.
Just yesterday, I got into a small argument with an older (male) family member over choosing a movie. I spent the night wondering if I could move past it. I was afraid of being inauthentic around him, and maybe even begin to ignore him or disconnect. I woke up Krishan at 2am to talk about it, and he was kind enough to hold space for me as I practiced self-empathy and looked at my intentions and options. After airing my feelings, I decided to send loving kindness energy, and from my heart to his, seek forgiveness.
I know that he’s bringing up my patterns around men (especially the older, ethnic generation), which triggers me to no end – I feel my old, rebellious, angry, little girl self that feels ‘injustice’ arise when my feelings aren’t considered. But I had to calm myself down, and try to see it from his point of view; and also have patience and understanding for the long way we EACH have come in our journey of being a family.
So the lesson is: When people trigger you, try to ask yourself, why? What is it within you that you haven’t integrated or reconciled with, that the other person is bringing up? Rather than being judgmental, can we move to acceptance (and self-acceptance)? Moreover, if the situation is truly intolerable for your soul, can you choose to consciously disengage with that person? Or can you communicate compassionately (and assertively), and perhaps even reconcile? Can you be with that inner conflict of being both ‘bad’ and ‘good’?
For many of us modern women, a main integration/healing is going to be the Wounded Masculine & Wounded Feminine archetypes, which we are still healing. I hope to share more on this in later posts.